Outsider
by Valeriasg1
Summary: Leaders didn’t know the luxury of camaraderie. John x Elizabeth friendship, UST if you squint.


The sun had set several hours ago on Atlantica, the sky an enchanting fusion of blues and oranges, but neither the Atlantis personnel or the Athosians seemed to have the least intention of turning in for the night just yet.

Dr.Weir breathed in her people's joy like fresh air, her eyes dancing and her lips curved upwards in a satisfied smile.

And locked away somewhere in the depths of her heart, Elizabeth remembered her relationship with Simon and longed for a companionship that she would never allow her to have in Atlantis.

Leaders didn't know the luxury of camaraderie. They took honors, fame, but also responsibilities and sacrifices that weren't usually worth the first two. Elizabeth was destined to disappear behind the larger-than-life aura of Dr. Weir, and at times it felt like she ceased to exist altogether, but with a city that threatened to fall apart at any given moment, she hardly had the time to indulge in her personal failures.

She had long ago learned to watch the world go by from outside, renouncing to her right to a place among those of her own kind at the high price of forgetting herself.

Paradoxically enough, she found peace in her solitude.

The ocean was impossibly calm that night. Ink-black, if not for the reflected glimmer of a thousand's stars scattered on the pristine surface – no pollution on Atlantica yet; she wondered if it would stay that way for long– and the white foam that climbed up the beach to lap at her feet in a cool caress.

The splashing of waves was louder there than in Atlantis, and she let the sounds of water and land fill her greedy ears. The smells were different, too. The delicate saltiness of the air mixing with so many different scents of plants, flowers, and of the earth itself that she was able to sense only because she'd been deprived of them for so long.

Surrounded by endless miles of water and with its towers of aseptic alloys and glasses, the city of the ancients gained an ethereal quality at times, adding to the timeless mystery that was the race of the gatebuilders. It made her feel like she was living in an other dimension.

And when she was shoved back into her reality, like tonight, her heart filled with the sweet sorrow of should-have-beens and never-will-bes.

A flurry of late summer breeze blew her curls astray as it passed by, carrying with it a vague hint of smoke coming from the fire still burning several yards away.

Elizabeth welcomed the sensory assault. It soothed her, and matched her bittersweet mood.

She shivered lightly, not knowing if it was because of the night chill that had settled onto the coast or because she was being watched, and she brought her knees closer to her chest.

"Doesn't the ocean ever bore you?" He made his voice heard before he stepped forward. He left the hard surface of drying land and let his boots sink into the soft sand, shuffling a little as he moved.

She turned her head briefly to acknowledge his presence, and saw only the black outline of his legs, reflected by the fire, stand out a few steps behind her against the darkened colors of the mainland. She didn't put a lot of effort into her forced smile, most likely he couldn't see her face in the gauzy darkness.

"John." His name on her lips was more an act of courtesy than anything else.

She knew she wanted him to find her eventually, but she wasn't sure she was ready just yet. She needed a little more time to forget, that no matter what, he led a team she wasn't a member of.

He stepped closer until she felt the toes of one of his boots nudge her lower back. He stood directly behind her for long seconds, silent, watching what she watched from her own point of view. His soft breathing lost itself in the sloshing of the waves, but she was still very aware of it.

"Isn't the water a little too cold?" He questioned again.

She curled her toes self-consciously into the wet sand and left a print, two symmetrical mounds that the following wave leveled out before it retreated shyly into the ocean. She exhaled the air from a deep breath.

"Just a little." Tilting her head upwards, she looked up at the dark form towering over her. She couldn't make out his expression, the light of the moons glittering in his eyes being the only sign that he was, in his turn, searching for something off on her features.

"How did you know I was here?" Rough fabric brushed her scalp as he moved away from behind her only to crouch at her side, elbows on his thighs and hands dangling limply between his parted knees.

"Lucky guess." He watched her dig in the sand with her heels. "This is the place here that looks the most like your balcony." Supporting himself with a hand placed behind him, he sat down, careful to keep his boots out of the water. "Something wrong? You haven't been much of a party animal tonight."

"No," she defended herself. "I was just gathering my thoughts."

"Which means that something is bothering you." He said it as if it was the obvious logical answer, and the thought that he'd come to know her so well made her smile briefly.

"It's nothing important, really, it's just that-- with the Wraith gone for a while, and the city practically running itself, priorities I had forgotten about are riding up the list." She looked up at the two moons, and rested her chin in the dip of her joined knees.

The small, lucent satellite was playing hide-and-seek behind its bigger sister, white and infinite, with silver craters older than Earth that covered most of the visible surface and a foggy halo of dim light coating its round body. Burke would have called it Sublime. Elizabeth agreed.

"Kids?" He queried, his head turning to really look at her for the first time since he'd found her.

"No." It came out more abrupt that she'd intended, her voice betraying her surprise at his question. It was a need she'd never felt as strongly as other women who'd been her colleagues in the past. It might have crossed her mind once or twice, but never seriously. She didn't even have the time to actually ponder if she wanted children, and this alone was the answer she needed. Right now she was booked, and it was an engagement she had no intention of ever breaking if she could have her way.

She had noticed the way John acted around the Athosian children, though. After dinner he had entertained Jinto and his friends with a tale of some sort, the children exploding into fits of laughter as the man had pulled a series of goofy faces. Elizabeth wondered whether his question reflected his own list of priorities. She was fairly sure he'd make a good father.

"It's nothing important, really. I guess everyone needs some self-pitying every now and then." Her voice sounded still a little wary, John's gentle intrusion being welcome and frustrating at the same time in her vulnerable state of mind.

"So, you're okay?" He squinted a little against the obscurity for a better focus, trying to figure out the answer from her expression.

The fire flared in the distance, followed by rich laughter, and then groans and whistles. Their improvised DJ for the evening had put on a selection of 70s disco music, much to the despair of the younger members of the expedition.

The flames lit John's features in yellows and oranges and danced gleefully in his ever-scrutinizing eyes.

"I'll be tomorrow." She sighed, allowing a small smile to form on her face.

He seemed to appreciate her easier attitude, because the seriousness on his face was replaced by a pair of raised eyebrows and a mock-incredulous expression. "That's pretty accurate."

Elizabeth shrugged, her lips quirking upwards. "I know my times."

John mirrored her grin and leaned a little closer. "And is there something that can be done to accelerate the process?"

She didn't answer this time, her head turning away from him and going back to her previous occupation of absent stargazing. John was the closest thing she had to a friend in Atlantis, and although words –words on her personal life- had slipped out of her mouth on occasions, she still was reluctant when it came to open herself to someone without using the subtleties her job had taught her. He had already betrayed her once, disobeying a direct order, and as much as she hated to have so little faith in him, she wasn't sure he wouldn't do it again should a similar situation arise.

"All right. Come on." John blurted, his voice a little strained with the effort of stretching forward, and he started to unlace his boots. He tugged them off under Elizabeth's puzzled scowl, his socks following immediately after. He squeezed them up into balls and dropped them into one boot, not caring when he knocked it over as he rolled his pant legs up to his knees.

When he was satisfied with his work, he sprang up to his feet, raising small puffs of sand that twirled in the wind for a brief moment before settling back down on the strand. "Let's go."

Elizabeth eventually took the hand he was offering, but her eyes were still squinted in mild suspicion even as she was pulled to a standing position. "Let's go where, exactly?" She brushed the sand from her clothes and smoothed out her rumpled shirt. Returning her attention to him, she arched her left eyebrow, an unmistakable warning that she was running out of patience.

John shrugged, causing the eyebrow to move further up towards her hairline and a hand to rest on her hip. He tested the feel of the sand under his bare skin for a few long seconds before he dared dipping his toes into the cool water.

"We're taking a stroll." He took a step forward into the ocean, and let the white foam of a wave drown his feet completely while it gently encircled his ankles.

"A stroll." Elizabeth echoed, the frown still in place, but with a hint of amusement in her voice. She closed the distance between them, stepping fully into the water herself. It reached a little higher on her legs, and a small shiver ran down her spine.

"Jinto says there's a lovely spot up there, where you can see both moons clearly. Maybe the view will help your thoughts gather faster." He nodded in the general direction of a group of rocks on his right. She followed his gaze to the passageway of black basalt that linked the smooth surface of the water to the small hill that protected the Athosian village from the strong oceanic winds.

"It's late. Aren't you afraid that they'll leave us behind?" She teased him lightly.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and rolled backwards on the balls of his feet underwater.

"You want to know a secret? I'm a good friend of the pilot." Her eyes went downcast for a moment, hidden by a curtain of dark curls as she let out a silent laughter through her nose.

"Come on." He nudged her arm with his elbow, his lower lip not quite jutting out, but it was enough for her trained eyes to see.

With an exaggerated eye-roll she linked arms with him, and let herself be led.


End file.
